Running Away

Summary:

This is a true story of me running away from suburbia without much thought. Living in the suburbs of Washington DC (Silver Spring, Maryland) when our kids were little was not for me. For much of my life I had lived in small towns and I found Silver Spring much too busy and too crowded for me. So to deal with my unhappiness and without any discussion, I simply went running away with the kids and fled to far upstate, NY and became a student in a nursing school. This is another example of me not requesting what I really needed – in this case to simply ask Jamie to move to a place more in the country. This was another case of my earlier sexual abuse directing my life without me realizing it.

The running away plan unfolds

Jamie and I didn’t talk about problems at the time, so I came up with a plan to get us out of suburbia; but I never shared my idea with Jamie. Basically I decided that I would find someplace where I could get a nursing degree; then I would be able to get a nursing job and help support us, so we could move away from Silver Spring and to a much quieter area.

Again, without involving Jamie, I looked around until I found a nursing program that would accept me immediately; then I talked to a friend of mine, who agreed to go with me and babysit my kids while I was in school. The nursing school was in far upstate New York, which suited me just fine. I had grown up in upstate NY, so Malone NY would be like returning home for me.

So I finally told Jamie my plan, as I grabbed the kids and Mary, my babysitter; and off we went on our new adventure. We drove endlessly in our Volkswagen station wagon, as Malone is at the roof of New York State, unfortunately just north of the beautiful Adirondack Mountains.

Resettling in Malone

We found a passable apartment and began to settle in. There was no refrigerator, so we bought a small “ice box,” which we literally kept cool with blocks of ice. There was only one bedroom, so all five of us slept on mattresses on the floor.

On Monday morning, only three days after we arrived, the truancy officer paid me a visit. He informed me that it was his understanding that I had moved in with children, and they were required to be in school. I signed them up; then I started my nursing classes. Our life in Malone had begun in earnest.

Assuming the role of a student

I enjoyed being a student again. My lessons about diseases in the body and the accompanying treatments were interesting. Studying the structure of the body and the physiology was more challenging. The best part of the nursing program was our time in the hospital. We had rounds in surgery, pediatrics, obstetrics, and the nursing home. I loved obstetrics and was thrilled to be able to observe a Cesarean birth. I would don my white uniform and my pert white cap, and I actually started to feel like a nurse. The feeling it gave me made me think that I had made a good choice in running away.

Finding recreation

Our favorite pastime was taking trips north on the week-end, as we were only half an hour from the border, but crossing the American-Canadian border could be tricky. We were in Malone in 1973 during the Vietnam War, and I guess the border patrol was on increased lookout for men avoiding the draft by traveling north.

Running away results in a brush with the law

There was one time when I was in potentially serious trouble with the border patrol, and it was my own fault. On one of our weekend trips back to the US. from Canada, I found a new route on a little traveled highway that would take us home. It turned out that the border station on this road was closed, but there was no barrier blocking traffic. The sign said that anybody crossing when the station was closed should proceed back to an open border station as soon as possible. I drove on across the border. As I went past a crossroad, a US border patrol officer was traveling east-west. He saw me, turned around, came back, and stopped me.

“Where are you going?” he asked me. “Malone,” I answered. He said, “Follow me.” Now if I had thought more quickly, I would have immediately realized that the answer he was looking for was that I was going back to the border station that was open. I could have avoided all the problems that followed if I had been more careful in my response. I followed him back to the open border station where he told me that I had crossed the border illegally, and the fine was $2100. I was aghast! “I don’t have $2100,” I said, with all the bravado I could muster. “Well, I can reduce the fine to $100,” he noted. I guess that I was supposed to be incredibly grateful at that, but I didn’t even have $100 in the bank right then and told him so. That was apparently too much for him. He told me that he would have to impound the car and the contents until I could find the money. In the meantime, he drove us the twelve miles back to our apartment in Malone.

Being raised to pay little attention to rules

It’s not clear why I ignored the sign, but I believe that it had something to do with what I learned about rules as I was growing up with my parents. For my mother, breaking rules was usually due to her excessive drinking. There was one time, for instance, when we were all at a party at my in-laws’. My mom had too much to drink and managed to shed both her skirt and her wig before she left the scene.

On another occasion she was driving from New York City and did a U-turn on the George Washington Bridge just prior to the toll booths. This is extremely dangerous, and the policeman who stopped her told her so. Amazingly enough, he didn’t even give her a warning, though!

Seeking help from, and seeing, Jamie after running away

Once the border patrol had driven us home, I called Jamie. He and I had arranged to talk for at least one minute at 11 pm each evening during our separation. This time I had a wild story to tell him. He wired me the money, and the next day a friend drove me back out to the border station to retrieve my car.

I missed Jamie. We didn’t see him again until Christmas. He and I decided that we would meet at his parents’ house in Bronxville, NY and then drive back together to our home in Silver Spring, MD, where we would spend Christmas. We decided to set it up as a surprise for the kids.

Our drive was intense as we set out. We got on the Northway (I-87) in the middle of a blizzard. It was difficult driving, but I had the advantage of being the only car on the road. Nobody else dared to venture out during the storm. It was another risky choice, but I was at least glad I didn’t have to worry about skidding into anybody as we progressed about 150 miles south. We stopped off in Schenectady on our way to stay with my parents for a night. My relationship with them had been less tumultuous since I had gotten married, and I liked giving my kids the opportunity to get to see their grandparents.

When we arrived at Jamie’s parents’ house the next day, his mother told the kids to go upstairs. Up they went, and I soon heard their cries of joy as they saw their father again. After a couple of days, we all piled in the car and headed south once more, back to Silver Spring.

We spent a lovely Christmas in our old house, our last Christmas there. It was sad saying goodbye to the house, but we did leave a plaque in the closet of the bedroom where Rachel was born. It read, “In this room Rachel Montgomery drew her first breath of life.” I wonder if it is still there.

After seeing Jamie at Christmas, it was difficult to leave him again and return to Malone. I realized suddenly how much I had been missing him. Even busy as I was, spring seemed like such a long time away.

Dog problems – Another lesson learned in running away

As soon as Jamie re-joined us, everything snapped back into place, but the weeks leading up to his arrival had been rough. I had decided to get a puppy for the children, so we all went to the pound and picked out a puppy. The kids named her Smokey Malone Pup. She was not trained, which was problematic at best, but when we finally managed that, she became a wonderful family pet.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that we needed to get Smokey spayed. When she went into heat, it seemed like every male dog for miles around was attracted to Smokey. Dogs would hang around our front porch, trying to get close to her. I wanted to scream in frustration when I got a ticket for disturbing the peace. None of the owners of the male dogs received any kind of citation or warning. I wanted to protest the unfairness, so I put a leash on Smokey; the kids and I then walked the two blocks to the police station, at least twenty male dogs following. We made quite a procession! When I opened the door to the station with my dog and the others in tow, a policeman came to the head of the stairs on the second floor. He was so angry that his face turned purple as he ordered us to leave.

The next day Jamie arrived to save the day. He put Smokey in his car, and we all piled in. He rolled the windows down and drove slowly out of town. The male dogs followed us for miles but gradually dropped off until all of them were gone.

Running Away: Lessons learned

When he eventually re-joined us, it felt like I had completed an experiment in living without Jamie. What I concluded was that life was much more chaotic when we were apart. I was more impulsive, as well as reactive to outside events. One of Jamie’s primary effects on the family has been stability. That was largely missing in Malone. He was always careful about making plans and carrying them out. He sees the big picture; these traits make life a great deal calmer. If only I had thought about this prior to running away.

Slowly I realized that I had again confused what I wanted and what I needed. I wanted a nursing degree because I thought that if I had a job to help support us, that would enable us to leave Silver Spring. But I gradually became aware that my year separating the family from Jamie—and the expense of us living apart—had been unnecessary. I had simply needed to have a conversation with Jamie about how we could leave Silver Spring.

Published by Susan on August 14, 2021August 14, 2021