Summary

Voyeurism: Not a tasteful topic, but one I had to deal with during my high school year. The blog deals with my father exhibiting a persistent voyeurism (or a peeping-tom) behavior during my last year in high school.  Because of the earlier sexual abuse perpetrated by the same individual, I felt powerless to halt this intrusion; however there were some options I might have tried had I been mentally free. 

The situation

Several years following my initial sexual abuse when I was 11 year old, I was the only child at home.  My older brother was in college.  My younger sister had been sent away to school because my father would physically abuse her at home.

While nobody else was at home, I would take a shower after school and wash my hair.  Invariably, my father would arrive home while I was showering; he would come upstairs into my bathroom, pull back the shower curtain and watch me.  I hated his voyeurism; I would close my eyes and turn my back, but I never said or did anything to deter him.

Powerlessness to Stop his Voyeurism

I believe that there were reasons why I was unable to react. This was the same man, of course, who had abused me years earlier.  Recently I have read about a couple of researchers, who point out that the initial sexual abuse can cause the victim to feel powerless– and since this was the same man, I think that the same powerless feeling came over me during the showers. I seemed to be unable to do or change anything.

Options about what I could/should have done to halt his voyeurism

Sadly, there were things that I could have done, which I would like to suggest here.

1)  The simplest solution I could have made was to change the time of my showers from the afternoon to the evening when my Mom would be home.  The beauty of this approach is that I would not have had to confront my father at all.  Nothing needed to have been said; no explanation would have been required as to why I decided to take my showers later. If anybody asked, I could say that I was much fresher in the afternoon to tackle my homework.

2)  But if I wanted to confront my father, that necessitated a different approach. I don’t know that I had ever stood up to him before the showers. I didn’t know what he would do or say if I challenged him. Did I have the courage to confront him? I think that my sister may have stood up to him often: perhaps I could take lessons from her.

3)  However, I had a card up my sleeve if I found the courage to say something to him.  I could say, for instance, that “I know you’re enjoying this voyeurism, but it’s at my expense. So, if you persist, I will have to let Mother know.”  And even without telling my mom, that threat alone would have stopped him in his tracks!  That would have been equally effective at stopping him!

4)  Finally, if I could have gotten moral support from another person, and that interaction might have given me the courage to discuss my situation and how I might change it. But who could I have told?  I think that I never told my mother stories about my father because I was protecting her.  I also don’t have any idea what she would have done with the information.  I was too ashamed to tell my friends or my boyfriend Jamie. The one person I might have told would have been my sister, but she wasn’t home – and if she had been home, my father would have been thwarted as far as watching me shower.

I needed an outside adult I trusted like our caretaker when we were younger.  Unfortunately, she was no longer alive, but she was an adult, who knew our family well, and one I trusted implicitly. I believe that she could have helped me problem-solve, presumably without telling my mother. I didn’t know any other adult as well as I knew her, which does raise the question whether this would have been a viable option or not.

Further Reading

This episode from my life is just one of numerous episodes I experienced throughout much of my adult life dictated by the unrecognized effects from the sexual abuse I suffered when I was only eleven. The earlier abuse is described in my first blog: https://child-sexual-abuse.com/becoming-a-victim-of-incest/ or, alternatively you can visit my main blog page at: https://child-sexual-abuse.com/

The story of my life is chronicled in my book: Demons Hidden Within. The book, written under my pen name, Susan Montgomery, is available from my publisher, Robert D. Reed Publishers, Brandon, OR, or from numerous book distributors. Also, you can visit my website at: https://demonshidden.com/